4.....3....2...1.....

After a week of feeling completely incompetent in my vocation as wife and mother, today has only continued my suspicion. I always go to bed on Tuesday evenings kind of holding my breath because Wednesdays tend to be pure chaos that end with me in a heap of exhaustion surrounded by chicken wing bones and an empty wine glass.

I tried to plan ahead last night by setting out the boys clothes and showering at night instead of this morning. To complicate matters today is Happy's 4th Birthday so he was going to be opening some presents first thing this morning. So we woke up got dressed and headed down for presents. All was going well. The kids were playing with Happy's new toys while Mr. Sloth made breakfast. Fairly well until Baby,( can we call him "Mister"? ) had his first (that's foreshadowing) blowout of the day. Mr. Sloth then abandoned us left for work and we got ready to head to Good Shepard. (After a wardrobe change for Mister of course). As always I had lofty plans of dropping 1 & 2 off at Good Shepard and then heading to the Post Office, Aldi, Target, and Goodwill with 3 & 4.

Not so much.

Before we even got out the door I realized that aside from the small chance of me having time to head to Goodwill gathering the items I want to drop off wasn't going to happen. So much for my Lenten purging. I was so tired as we drove that I could barely keep my eyes open. It's only 9am. I digress. So I drop 1 & 2 off at Good Shepard and head to the Post Office, why the Post Office you say? Because I had Christmas gifts to send, yep, you read that right. February 20th and I'm sending Christmas gifts. I told you. I am incompetent.

So I get to the Post Office and just before I unload the kiddos I realize that I left my wallet in my gym bag...which is at home. Marvelous. So we head home, (10 minute drive) I grab my wallet and a snack for Pax to (ironically) make peace with him and we head BACK to the Post Office.(10 more minutes). On the way there I hear the verbal distress of Pax behind me. I turn to find that the was slowly pouring all the water out of my water bottle all over himself. 

Did I mention it's 4 degrees outside?

So I get Pax and Mister out of the van and grab my wallet and gifts and slowly make our way into the Post Office. I grab some envelopes to start filling out addresses when I realize that I forgot the addresses in my diaper bag. Sigh. Back to the van we go to get the list and back into the Post Office. Pax did a decent job of not getting into too much trouble while I was filling out addresses. I gave Pax the paper bag I used to bring in the packages to hold while I pay for the packages and stamps. There was some good news to this stop on our adventure. Everyone was in awe of how cute my kids were. Naturally. But the postal worker who always seems to remember me even though I avoid that place like the plague was extra supportive. I mentioned that I was just now sending some Christmas gifts partly because I have a certain two year old and she said that it was more important to spend time with the two year old than send Christmas gifts on time. So that was encouraging.

So we head to Aldi. Aldi is in the same parking lot as the Post Office not close enough to walk with two littles in the winter but close enough to be annoying that you have to get the kids in the van and drive to a closer space. Back in the van, drive across the lot, back out of the van.

4 degrees people.

Into the store we go. I reach into my pocket to find nothing, where is my grocery list? It's in the paper bag I gave Pax to hold which is in the van. Now those of you familiar with Aldi know that you can't just walk out the door you have to walk through the whole store to get out the door. Off we go. Through the store, and back out to the van.

4 DEGREES!

I open the van, find the paper bag and nothing is in it. "Pax?! What did you do with my list?!"  (insert sound of crickets chirping) Ugh, he's like talking to a two year old. I suddenly remember him doing some suspicious activities at the Post Office while I paid and I can only imagine it involved him putting my grocery list in someones mail box.

I called Mr. Sloth to talk me down remind me of the items that were on the list.  Thankfully Aldi isn't too big of a store and it can be a quick trip if you know what you are doing. Pax did a wonderful job. He never stood up in the cart once. Mister just sat there happy as ever. So as a treat I let Pax pick out an organic juice box for himself. 

I get the kiddos and groceries loaded into the van with ten minutes to spare before pick up time at Good Shepard. Clearly I didn't have time to go to Target before class was over so now I will be heading with all four in tow.  As we are leaving the van I was holding Mister, Happy and Demand were holding hands andas I reached for Paxs' hand he tripped, fell, and lost his shoe in the middle of the road. Of course the car right behind us was trying to back out. Out of nowhere I instantly became an expert at putting a shoe on a two year old in the snowy road while holding a baby. And remember,

IT'S 4  BLEEPING DEGREES OUTSIDE!!!

We only had four items on our list. Diapers, brussel sprouts, natural hot dogs, and cupcakes. Even with only four items on the list I still required two carts as box of size 2, size 5, and night time pull ups fills up the cart pretty fast. Plus I found a sweet little booster to restrain help Pax at the dinner table. That took up a lot of space. Don't forget, it's Target so you are bound to pick up a few extras under their hypnosis. We did pretty well and made it through quickly considering it was an hour past lunch time, I hadn't fed Mister since this morning, and Pax was wearing soaking wet pants.  The kids were disappointed that they couldn't get the free cookie from the deli but good grief people we have cupcakes in the cart!

As we drove home I went over in my head what lay ahead of me. Mister would be crying to eat soon, Happy wants all of his birthday gifts down to play with, it's an hour past lunch, and there is a trunk full of groceries to unload before making their lunch. We discussed the situation ahead of time which seems to help them but there was still a lot of "Momma I want this" for the next half hour. Finally the kids had eaten, I had put away all the cold grocery items, and made my own lunch. (stupid diet) As I sat down to eat Mister played happily in his exersaucer.  Then I heard the distinct sound of him having a blowout while he played. I looked at my half eaten plate of food and gave up. It was an hour past Pax's nap, Mister was probably up to his ears in "blowout" and Happy was not-so-patiently waiting for me to get his new toys down.

So that was my day up until 1:30pm.  I haven't even begun to dive into the five loads of laundry, or breakfast/lunch dishes that lay ahead of me. Then there's the rest of the groceries to put away, make dinner, and maybe, just maybe Demand well get some education today.  On the upside, at least to me, Mr. Sloth isn't going to Religious Ed tonight because our usual sitter has a sick child so we are opting out. That means the boys will get to bed at a decent hour and I don't have to rush through dinner to get all the kids to a sitter by myself which is what the plan was going to be for this evening.

I hope this post doesn't sound like me complaining. In fact I'm impressed with myself how much today hasn't bothered me. I just find it funny. Once upon a time I wanted to be an actress on a television sitcom now I feel like my life is a sitcom, or at least a dark comedy. 

I was going to leave you with pictures of the birthday boy but as I began posting the picture I realized it was the wrong baby. Mommy bad.

4...3...2...1...meltdown.